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Jul 12, 2008
freedom to say anything i want
Eversince i've used multiply (http://www.multiply.com), i've stopped using this blog.. i found out that more people that i know have been reading blogs and other stuff there than blogdrive or blogspot.. i've written quite a number of blogs there.. one of them was about eveything i wanted to say to different people i know.. but of course, i didn't say their names.. the problem was, one of my friends realized that she was one those who i mentioned.. it said something like...
"i'm not telling you to stop back stabbing other people.. i just want you to do it in moderation because most of the time, it's beyond truth already..."
i have problems confronting people about their bad behavior.. especially for this case.. i admit that i also back stab other people but not to the point that i'm like degrading them from the society.. another factor why i didn't say it straight to her face is because of the fact that she's a back stabber in the first place.. as soon as i tell her what i feel about it, she'll spread it to all her friends, add really biased interpretations, and influence her friends to hate me too..
what happened after she knew about the blog? she commented that i should be careful in putting stuff there because other people might get hurt.. i didn't realize at first that she was referring to herself.. but then after some time, i noticed that she had been cold and didn't talk with me much anymore.. that's when i knew that she was affected about what i said.. okay.. fine.. i had to say sorry.. i did... i said something like i didn't mean to hurt her and that i'll do anything to make it up to her.. stuff like that.. the next day in school, her friends have been fucked up already.. fast eh?.... i was sitting beside them that time (i had no choice because we had a permanent sitting arrangement) when one of her friends sat on the teacher's table and said....
"someone's insecure................"
right then..............i hated her..... so much that i wanted to hurt her physically... i forgot how the conversation started but then she told me that she had "forgiven and forgetten" about it.... her??? forgive and forget? come on bitch.. don't joke around with me.. i know you too well for me to fall for that.. weeks and months have passed, the former closeness never came back.. i've actually started to avoid her.. and i've been really untrue when encountering her..
before this incident. her former bestfriend left her.. it just happened without any closure or anything.. they just didn't talk with each other anymore.. just after what happened with my blog and her, one of our friends suddenly didn't want to talk with us anymore.. and avoided us.. (we were 4 girls who always spent time together).. i really got hurt because even before the 4 of us came together, we were really close.. we could be considered as bestfriends.. we learned that she had gotten sick hearing so much back stabbing from the group.. that all we did was talk about other people.. i got hurt once again because she should've told me..
during the summer classes, i had to group with them for ecology laboratory.. okay.. i thought maybe things could have "forgiven and forgotten"... but i never went out with them anymore.. it was just a waste of my time and money.. during summer, i STRONGLY felt that she was back stabbing me all the time.. that's when i realized that ALL she talked about was other people and that everyone around her seems to be lower than she is.. i felt really bad being with her.. i couldn't hold it anymore that i talked with the other girl who left our group... we now felt the same towards her.. she's the judgmental bitch who will not stop talking till everyone around her thinks the same way as she does.. i talked with her former bestfriend.. only to find out that we also feel that same way towards her..
she has a new bestfriend now.. and they have the same personality.. i couldn't believe they had a "sleep over".. they slept at 4:30 am talking and talking and talking and talking and talking talking with each other.. what freaks they are..
she's leaving for australia to continue studying college there.. and i just can't wait for her to leave.. i don't understand why she won't stay in her province instead of buying a new condo here (another WASTE of money) and showing up at school.. leave bitch.. we don't need you here..
thank you blogdrive for being my second blog where i put ANYTHING i want since they have no idea that i have another blog.. people i know don't have to hear about it.. i just need to let it out..
Posted at 07:58 pm by ellalle
Permalink
Apr 2, 2006
grade ko..grabe super sayang :( lapit na eh
|
|
1st |
2nd |
3rd |
4th |
| filipino |
|
84 |
84 |
86 |
89 |
| econ |
|
89 |
90 |
90 |
91 |
| pehm/scouting |
|
89 |
90 |
90 |
91 |
| pe |
|
89 |
92 |
90 |
92 |
| health |
|
85 |
87 |
89 |
90 |
| music |
|
89 |
90 |
91 |
92 |
| scouting |
|
89 |
90 |
92 |
91 |
| CL |
|
88 |
87 |
89 |
91 |
| english |
|
86 |
87 |
87 |
87 |
| physics |
|
88 |
87 |
86 |
92 |
| math |
|
92 |
93 |
93 |
94 |
| the |
|
90 |
89 |
92 |
93 |
| prosec |
|
94 |
97 |
98 |
98 |
| computer |
|
90 |
86 |
88 |
89 |
| accounting |
|
86 |
84 |
89 |
93 |
| teenstar |
|
85 |
86 |
90 |
91 |
| analytic geom |
|
89 |
92 |
95 |
96 |
| homeroom |
|
91 |
92 |
93 |
94 |
| |
|
|
|
|
|
| co-curricular |
|
93 |
93 |
93 |
94 |
| conduct |
|
b+ |
b+ |
b+ |
a- |
Posted at 03:59 am by ellalle
Permalink
Feb 18, 2006
my hopes, my dreams, my happines, my love, my life..now gone
sweetie..i love you so dearly..now that you're gone..i wish God to bestow death upon me..i want to be with you..and i know that heaven is where we can truly be together forever..pain conquer's my heart and my soul..i don't know how i'll be able to endure this pain of not having you..yes, i know that you'll always be at my side,but it's still a different thing..sigh..i've been crying for days..there are no times that i stopped thinking about you..this is so hard to handle marco..why did this have to happen? just as your friends said, we could have been the sweetest and the happiest love birds. and i just want to imply the concept of love birds. one can never live without the other. this lonliness that i'm feeling is killing me little by little.
there are too few but strong things that pushes me to go on with my life without you. one is that i know that you're not in pain anymore. that you're now with God and that you'll be happy. as i've told you, i'll sacrifice my own happiness for you to have yours. i thought i was strong. i though i would be able to handle this pain. but that was only when you were with me. you were my strength. now, i feel so weak. sigh. another thing that makes me hold on is my realizations on what you really want me to do. i know that you want me to be happy and go on with my life. yes, i know them, but they're just so hard to do.
sweetie, your place in my heart shall never be replaced. i promise you that. i love you so,sweetie. i miss you so much.
Posted at 06:34 am by ellalle
Permalink
Sep 23, 2005
this is my grade last school year ill post it now coz i wasnt able to post it last time because it was in the registrar's office
subject 1st quarter 2nd quarter 3rd quarter 4th quarter
Filipino 83 87 88 88
Araling Panlipunan 89 90 89 89
Pe Health Music 84 85 90 92
P.E. 85 86 92 93
Health 83 83 88 91
Music 82 84 87 91
Values Education 86 87 89 88
English 90 90 92 92
Chemistry 88 90 91 94
Mathematics 89 92 88 90
THE 87 87 91 90
Entrepreneurship 87 86 91 90
Computer 86 88 93 89
Journalism 89 89 88 88
Trigonometry 90 91 90 90
Homeroom 90 92 92 93
Co-Curricular 90 91 92 93
Conduct B+ B+ B+ B+
this is my grade last quarter
subject 1st quarter
Filipino 84
AP 89
Pehm 88
PE 89
Health 85
Music 89
Scouting 89
Values Education 88
English 86
Physics 88
Math 92
THE 90
PROSEC 94
Computer 90
Accounting 86
Teenstar 85
Analytic Geom 89
Homroom 91
Co-Curricular 93
Conduct B+
Posted at 06:47 am by ellalle
Permalink
i dont want to discuss what happened..it's just to horrible..just wanna share the lyrics though..
Dasal ng Kalikasan
ella santos:
kabataan napapansin mo ba
ang dilim nating nadarama
pagbabagong di man makamtan
kalikasan ay nagagalit na
ang hanging nakamamatay
at ang nakalalasong lupa
mga buhay na nadadamay
sa pag-iyak ng kalikasan
all:
naririnig mo ba?
naririnig mo ba?
naririnig mo ba?
(instrumental)
sa pagpikit ng 'yong mga mata
luha ko'y dumadaloy puso'y kumakanta
malungkot na tinig na tila'y nagdurusa
lugami at takot ay bakas saking mukha
makinig,tumingin,damahin
pagluha kong hindi napapansin
panalangin ko'y dinggin
tawag sana'y pansinin
sino ang sagot sa dasal kong di tinutugon?
sino ang papawi ng luhang tumutulo?
sino ang sagot?
sino and sagot?
liwanag ng araw na tila nawawala
puro hinagpis ang aking nakikita
hanggang kailan ako magtitiis?
hanggang kailan ako tatangis?
makinig,tumingin,damahin
pagluha mong hindi napapansin
panalingin mo'y dinggin
tawag sana'y pansinin
sino ang sagot sa dasal mong di tinutugon?
sino ang papawi ng luhang tumutulo?
sino ang sagot?
sino ang sagot?
(instrumental) (ah's..transition)
tayo ay gumising (tayo ang sagot)
tayo ay tumulong (tayo and sagot)
tayo ang sagot sa dasal niyang di tinutugon
tayo ang papawi ng luha niyang tumutulo
kay lungkot isipin na tayo ang sanhi
kung ba't di makamit
kaayusang minimithi
magsama tayo at magkaisa
ibalik ang liwanag na nawawala
ibalik ang luntiang kalikasan (kalikasan)
simoy ng hangin na nagbibigay ginhawa (ginhawa)
mga ilog ng ating kasaysayan (kasaysayan)
linangin ang buhay ng paraisong taglay
makinig,tumingin,damahin
pagluha niyang ngayon ay napansin
panalanging dininig
tawag niya'y napansin
tayo ang sagot sa dasal niyang ngayon natugon
tayo ang papawi ng luhang tumutulo
tayo ang sagot
tayo ang sagot sa dasal ng kalikasan
tayo ang sagot
tayo ang sagot
tayo ang sagot
Posted at 06:15 am by ellalle
Permalink
Sep 10, 2005
this lonliness that i feel makes me wanna disappear
i havent updated my blog for a long time coz of sooooooooo many school work..good thing i have free time..
since from the day jan and i fought, i felt so lonely..as if no one is there for me anymore..jc..he has work already..and has met different people..more or less im sure that he had forgotten me..jan..i miss him so much..he doesnt text me anymore..even just to say hi or something..if both of us were online in ym, he wouldnt dare I.M. me..though he'd reply to what i'd say..he wont talk to me unless i talk to him..i can't tell him..but..i have forgetten him already..a long time ago..when our teacher in english was teaching us about the iliad, she mentioned something like "hate the sin but not the sinner" and right there and then, i felt that that was how i was feeling for jan..i hate what he did..but not him..because..i still like him..like i likED him before..as if nothing happened before..i wish we'll be close again..going back to jc..i dont know if he still liked me like he liked me before..when he saw my multiply (http://ellachua.multiply.com), he saw syra..and wanted to have her number..damn..of all people..why her..why not bianca..who's a lot more beautiful and KIND HEARTED than syra..uhh!! if i'd give jc syra's number, her head would be as big as a hot air balloon..i told gladice about it and she told me to never give him the number..or else..people would REALLY hate her more because of her damn attitude..my other problem about it is..I'M NOT A FRIGGIN CUPID!! ergh..why not just look for someone whom you'd meet first then have her number than have her number first then meet her..like as if syra would meet him..
i feel so lonely when i think about these things..last night i cried..i told myself that if i hadn't been bad towards jan..we wouldnt be like this..i miss his sweet messages..good thing i havent erased them yet..but not erasing them would make me feel so guilty and blue..i wanna go back time..
Posted at 05:04 pm by ellalle
Permalink
Aug 9, 2005
the harassment day by paoskie
Aug. 9,2005..i will never ever forget this day..this is the day when i was harassed by a seatmate..damn it was the worst harassment a person had done to me..i wanna say this in filipino..hehe..grabe oo ako nga nanguna pero nung dismissal hindi na ako yung nagstart..nawindang lang ako nung dismissal na namin, hindi talaga nila ako tinigilan..nung una pinching lang talaga..pero masakit..hehe..i started it eh..i have to receive the consequences..pero grabe..sabay sabay talaga sila..super umiikot na ako nun para makaiwas tapos itong si paoskie ay kinurot ako sa butt..siyempre, para hindi niya maulit, umupo ako sa floor..tapos super tawa na talaga ako nung ng tawa..tapos si kdv tinatanong niya sakin kung ok lang ako kasi super sabog na talaga itsura ko nun..pagtayo ko,nakita ko na si paoskie naman ang nakaupo sa floor..tapos hawak niya kamay ni roppe..tapos sabi ko kay roppe "pinch her pinch her pinch her" tapos kagulat gulat, tumayo si paoskie at ako ay kanyang tinulak..hindi lang normal na tulak na biglaan..dirediretso niya ako tinulak..at dahil malakas yun,mabilis akong napa-atras..natakot ako dahil baka meron akong matamaan sa aking likod..ngunit sa di inaasahang pagkakataon, bigla akong natumba ng palikod dahil sa bag ni ruth..nasa likod ko noon si kim..nagulat din siya noon dahil kami ni paoskie ay pahulog..nang kami ay pahulog, ang underarm ni paoskie ay tumama sa upuan (masakit daw..kawawa naman siya..TINULAK PA KASI AKO EH!!)..bumagsak ang upuan sakin..malamang..MASAKIT!! feel ko naapakan pa ni paoskie ang aking uniporme at jacket..ako noon ay umupo..tawa ng tawa na parang isang baliw..seryoso..gusto ko ng tumigil nun dahil masakit na ang tiyan ko..matagal bago natapos ang aking pagtawa..pag tayo ko ay sobrang gulo na talaga ng aking buhok..nagulat naman ako ng makita ko si paoskie na nakasabit sa isang tao..nakalimutan ko kung sino..basta nakasabit siya..hahaha..medyo natawa ako dahil pag lapit sakin ni kdv, tinanong nanaman niya kung ok ba ako..this time, hindi ko na alam kung ok pa ba talaga ako..haha..sobrang sabog talaga..hindi ko makakalimutan tong araw na to..ang araw kung kailan pinaka hinarass ako..hehehe..pero kahit na nangyari to..MAHAL KO PARIN SI PAOSKIE!! hehehe
Posted at 04:07 am by ellalle
Permalink
Aug 8, 2005
damn you..kill yourself or i'll do it for you
i think no body knows whom im talking about..well i hope he does..the guy i likED the most is now the guy i hate..damn..i really can forget what he told me..of course i saved it in my phone..hehe.."ok..im just wondering about the way i interact with you..you might get the wrong impression..i like you as a friend but i dont like like you..gets?" duh..i do get it..and you dont have to tell me..damn..i likED you so much but when you said that, the only thing i want to tell myself is IM THE MOST STUPID PERSON ON EARTH..TO LIKE A GUY WHO'S SO NUMB..he said sorry and stuff after a long shit of time..he's so slow..i dont know..he told me he knew it hurt..but why the fuck did he tell me that if he knew it hurt..one time i asked if we could put things back together..as in the old us..but i think he played stupid again and repeated what he said..and that time, i told myself again IM SO STUPID TO MISS SOMEONE AND TEXT HIM AND ASK HIM IF WE COULD BE WHAT WE WERE BEFORE..after that, i felt worse..i felt that my anger got deeper..i dont know who's more stupid between the both of us..me who is trying to bring back the past with some asshole or him who cant process what im saying..sigh..then..there's this fucking third time..(im sorry,God,for i was in the Church that time) we were texting and i told him how sad i am now and stuff..and it was because of him..not completely but more..because of him, i remembered everything that had happened to my life..how my best friend turned her back on me when i needed her most..this time..it was him..he made me felt like i was being cared by somebody so much..then one day cut that off..sigh..he said that he didnt turn his back on me..i think he said that because he hasnt really realized what he did..coz maybe he's just too stupid to understand..now he courting this girl from mc..and of course, through the help of a source, i learned things about that girl..i never knew he would like girls like that..i admit..im A BIT jealous..but i have no right..coz most of all, im trying not to care about him anymore..he's just gonna ruin every single day of my life if i wont forget about him..that's why im hoping that the right person would someday tell me the right words to make me feel better..i want to forget about him..there are times that i just sit on my chair school and stare at one place then think about him..how sad i am..and how angry i am..actually, im not treating him well anymore..coz i cant take it anymore..im trying my best to be gentle but its really hard..but of course,being the second person that i liked so much, i would treat him differently..maybe i wont let him see the worst side..not unless he would do something again..if he does something again, ill never forgive him..now..i miss him..but i dont want to talk to him..why? coz ill just get pissed off..and make myself feel worse..i hope i shall die now..or he'll die now..if he's gonna be gone, it might help a lot..
Posted at 07:22 am by ellalle
Permalink
upcat..weow..this is one of the tests that almost all 4th year students are waiting for..damn..i didnt know but i didnt feel nervous..im not being boastful but it wasnt really that hard..seriously..i hate to say it but the review classes i took during the summer was USELESS!! first, i had my own style of solving problems, especially in chem..Mrs. torrabla taught us well in chem that we need not have lots of steps just to finish one problem!! well there wasnt really any question for chem in the upcat that needed computation..second..i wasted my time..i shud have read more books during the summer instead of going to that class and stuff..what a waste..good thing they have one use to me..and that was they trained me to answer tests under "time pressure"..i was able to finish some parts of the test ahead of time..except math..i was damn mental blocked because i expected more algebra than geom..so i didnt bother study the formulas much..damn..but over all, i think i did well..though i also think there are thousands of smarter asses out there that could have done well..sigh..i wish i could get in up..but if not, i wish id get in ateneo..that's all for upcat..it wasnt really a big deal for me coz i dont know..i really didnt feel nervous..
Posted at 07:00 am by ellalle
Permalink
Jul 9, 2005
weow..career orientation's done..but i still have a hang over..especially with U.P...whew..i think i really should study for the entrance in ateneo..i think i wouldnt be culture shocked when i get there..though what i would like about U.P. is that i would be more open to the real world..atheists..rallies..street children..cr's with no water..food that i dont usually eat..but im still afraid..afraid to face what the world really is like..that i wont be able to adjust and just kill myself because i cant take it anymore..though i cant really imagine killing myself because of some brat thing..well..i think i just have to study well for all entrance exams..so i would be able to choose..it's better to pass all tests than to pass some but i wouldnt really be able to go in the school i want..oh well..if i wont be able to pass ateneo, up and ust, i dont think ill be able to have a nice foundation for my pre-med..about the career orientation..the only funny thing about it was the speakers who are BAROK..uhh!! it was so ugly..as if i wanna laugh out loud..but im too shy to do it..i might even give a bad reputation to the school if i'd do that..hmm..next year..the 3rd year students will be the 4th year and they'll have the same career orientation as we had..they're meaner..and i think they'd really laugh out loud if the speakers would be the same..i heard that in the other sections, there were people who wrote the barok words in the paper..to keep them from laughing out loud..i should have done the same!! hahaha..
ei ill show you i and jan's pic..he looks like a gay here..hahaha..because of his smile..gay jan gay jan gay jan!!
Posted at 06:53 pm by ellalle
Permalink
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